Thanks to a recent Mojo cover
story, we now know that Nirvana considered other candidates for second
guitarist before settling on Pat Smear, who joined the band for the last
six months or so of its existence. (Fun fact: they also thought of
asking the Melvins' Buzz Osbourne, who had actually pointed Grohl toward
Nirvana when drummer Chad Channing left the band in 1990.) Smear added
some much-needed levity to the mix, as you can see in this SNL taping; still, we can't help but wonder how the band's final chapter might have read with a different sideman. So as In Utero approaches
its 20th anniversary, let's put ourselves in Kurt, Krist, and Dave's
tattered Chucks and weigh a few other possibilities.
![YoungJeezy12.jpg]()
1. Young Jeezy
CV: Atlanta-based rapper, former "Mr. 1.75"
PROS: Fragments of his songs "Soul Survivor" and "Over Here" are
featured in the Girl Talk song "Smash Your Head," much of which is
anchored to Nirvana's "Scentless Apprentice." It works.
CONS: The former crack dealer might not have been the best bus-mate for Cobain.
![eddie_van_halen.jpg]()
2. Eddie Van Halen
CV: Greatest guitarist of all time
PROS: Cobain's solos tended toward the chaotic, and they seldom
involved power drills. Just imagine the next-level insanity of a classic
EVH solo over "Milk It."
CONS: Might have disqualified himself on Dec. 30, 1993, when he
drunkenly approached Cobain backstage, asking to jam. According to
Everett True's Nirvana: the Biography, Van Halen gestured toward Smear and said, "Let me use the Mexican's guitar." It got worse from there.
![ringo-starr-caveman.jpg]()
3. Ringo Starr
CV: Actor (see: Son of Dracula, Caveman), occasional drummer
PROS: I'm sure Grohl never imagined the McCartney-fronted "Sir-vana"
incarnation of his band that would one day make appearances at the
12-12-12 benefit and on SNL. But it happened, for better or worse. So
why not strap a cigar box guitar on Ringo and try out "Starr-vana?"
CONS: Starr might suggest a rockin' rendition of "Act Naturally."
![sgt-pepper-5.jpg]()
4. Billy Preston
CV: Legendary keyboardist; title role in the immortal Frampton/Bee Gees vehicle, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
PROS: Already joined the Beatles and the Stones; could add spine-tingling Fender Rhodes parts to "Dumb," "About a Girl," etc.
CONS: Bit of a diva. As recounted in his book, Life, Keith
Richards once pulled a knife on him for playing too loud at a Stones
show. "If you don't turn that fucking thing down right now, you're going
to feel it."
![1351521667-mmb-2.jpg]()
5. Ben Carr
CV: Guy who does nothing but dance and sing backing vocals in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
PROS: Things had gotten dark for Nirvana by then; a full-time skanker
might have done them some good. And lord knows they liked plaid.
CONS: Aside from the inherent terribleness of this idea, 1993 would
have been a bad time to leave a ska band; the Great Ska Hangover was a
good five years away.
![2007_what_we_do_is_secret_005.jpg]()
6. Rick Gonzales
CV: Guy who played Pat Smear in the Germs biopic, What We Do is Secret
PROS: If the movie Rockstar taught us anything, its that the
people beneath the blinding sheen of celebrity are often
interchangeable. That's why Journey came so close to hiring a Steve
Perry impersonator to replace Steve Perry, and that's why this talented
young actor could easily play the part of "Cobain foil #3."
CONS: Checkered professional past includes small parts in the tragic Christopher Guest misstep For Your Consideration and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.
![evermannirvana.jpg]()
7. Jason Everman
CV: Former member of Nirvana and Soundgarden; war hero
PROS: Well, he already knows some of the songs. If you haven't read the incredible New York Times article,
Everman was kicked out of Nirvana (and Soundgarden!) at the dawn of the
nineties and ended up enlisting in the Army -- about a month before
Cobain took his own life -- and becoming a member of the Special Forces
just after 9/11.
CONS: No one quite understands how Everman managed to get kicked out of two bands on the brink of megastardom, but the Times article
suggests that band life just didn't work for him -- and that military
life does. Makes you wonder what might have happened if Cobain had found
some other affirming outlet amid the crushing pressures of his last
days.
Move over, drag queens! On August 17th, the 18th Annual SF Drag King Contest -- the largest in the world -- is coming to Space 550 Barnveld in San Francisco. These women are packing in more ways than one (sorry/not sorry) and we can't wait to see what they've got. Contestants will be doing everything from lip-synching to mud wrestling to "other
talents" (?!?) and are judged on their "talent, creativity, studliness, sex
appeal, originality, humor, make-up/facial hair and fashion" -- which,
coincidentally, is exactly how we judge the men in our
lives. Proceeds from the contest will go to P.A.W.S., an organization which connects pets with low-income San Franciscans who are in need of some animal snuggling and support. So buy tickets here and be prepared to butch it up. 
2. Eddie Van Halen
Starting Friday, you can head over to the Museum of the City of New York to experience a weird mix of housing schadenfreude and apartment envy. As part of their current 
Photos by the Museum of the City of New York
Ta-da! [
Whoever does the White House's Twitter feed is a Mean Girls fan/ genius. [
Because why shouldn't your phone have touchably soft salon-quality hair? [
Bullett mag had the brilliant idea of bringing together two of our favorite people -- 
Et voila, the Internet has given us something fun to obsess over for an afternoon on this otherwise extremely slow news day. Graphic designer Lauren LoPrete recently created the Tumblr 
[via 
Also, Adam Driver is a Gap model now. [
Oh Danny D! [
As long as you're profiting. [
Time travel is fugly and boring. [
It was inevitable: The Anthony Weiner hot dog food truck is now a thing in NYC. [h/t 
Hey there. Join me? [
You this weekend. [
Snap back cap by Asos. $21 at asos.com, Chambray shirt by J. Crew. $98 at 
Surfboards by fineline. $750-800 at Pilgrim Surf + Supply, 68 N. 3rd St., Brooklyn, New York.
Trunks by Saturdays. $70 at 
Sneakers by Saturdays.$80 at 
Wayfarer sunglasses by Ray-Ban. $189.95 at 
Jeans by J Brand. $196 at 
Backpack by Timo Weiland. $199 at 
Lilly and Anastasia by Alma Haser
Felix by Alma Haser
Tilly and Johnny by Alma Haser
Cassie by Alma Haser
Owen Wilson got a neck tattoo of Luke Wilson.
Mila Kunis stood in the display window of a mall Gap wearing a sheet with two eye holes.
